My fear

my-fear

A couple of weeks ago a childhood friend passed away. She left behind two beautiful babies. My best friend passed away five years ago leaving behind a husband and five kids. One of her daughters passed away a year ago leaving behind a daughter.

My biggest fear is that something will happen to me or Jeremy and my babies will have to grow up with out a mom or dad. I’ve seen these families’ pain. They hurt for their lost loved ones. I pray every night that my babies won’t have to go through that. 

I don’t know if its because I am growing up and death is just a part of the “grown up” world, but it seems that people are dying before their loved ones are ready. This seems to be happening a lot lately. Or maybe I’m so worried about it, I notice it more? Maybe I overthink it? I don’t know. I don’t know how to get past it.

I pray. Sometimes I’m more upset after praying than I was before. It’s hard to have faith. But if you don’t have faith what do you have? I need something to cling too. Even if it could be a false sense of security. I still believe. It’s what gets me through.

How do you not let your fear overcome you?

Random Photos

Mother’s Day and my birthday are a week and a half a part. For my combined gift I got a new camera. A Canon Rebel Ti4. I’m in love. I have been taking A LOT of photos of anything. Here are a few random photos.

IMG_0191.jpgweb

IMG_0472web

IMG_0860web

IMG_1035web

IMG_2088web

IMG_2650web

These were taken with the lens that came with the camera, kit lens. I order and just received my 50mm lens in the mail today. I will “play” with the 50mm lens and share some more random photos next week.

Us…right now.

Emmett and I are sitting at the kitchen table eating some Angry Bird graham crackers, coloring with markers and writing this post. Juilett is swinging in her baby swing, Garrett is at school, and Jeremy is at work.

Garrett is on his last week of school. He has one day left of four year old kindergarten. He has grown so much this past school year. He is less shy; has no problem going up to new kids at the park to play.  He is maturing. He has more patients with Emmett. I think we are coming to an end of Garrett’s fit/temper tantrum phase. Although he doesn’t through these huge screaming fits as often, he is starting to test the limits. Trying to see what he can get away with.Gar-&-Em

Emmett will be two in two weeks. He’s starting to say a few words here and there. He does make noises such as vehicles and animal sounds very well. He wants to explore everything. He will do a lot of growing this summer as he discovers the world. Emmett is not shy and doesn’t even notice me when we are at a park or someplace with other kids.

Em

Juliett is ten weeks today. It’s hard to believe its been two and half months already. It goes by fast but yet it seems like she’s been with us forever. The first couple weeks was rough settling into a new routine. Now she is settled and we have a new normal. Juliett is sleeping through the night and starting to be aware of the world around her during the day.

Jul

Jeremy has been working crazy hours this past month at work. He worked from April 14th to May 25th with out a day off. His longest day was 17 hours. His shortest day was nine hours. He averaged 15 hours a day. He always works a lot of overtime in the spring but this the first year that it was hard on the home front. He is gone before the boys are up in the morning and doesn’t get home until after they are in bed. The boys definitely miss him.

It’s like I am a single mom. I’m responsible for EVERYTHING and caring for three kids. Jeremy is home at night after kids have been fed, bathed, and put to bed. He’s home after bills are paid, phone calls are made, grocery shopping and errands have been done (with three kids in tow). He comes home, eats and sleeps. It’s tough trying to take care of everything so he doesn’t have to worry about us while he’s working (I’m sure he does anyways).  Plus I miss my husband and best friend too. I’m stressed and lonely. Don’t forget I’m extra emotional due to having a baby in March.

all

Jeremy had this past Sunday and Monday (Memorial Day) off. We both definitely needed it. He was much happier going to work this morning and I feel so refreshed. Even though I didn’t technically get a day off, I still had to cook, pick up, and take care of kids. I didn’t have to do it alone.

I am working on a schedule for us this summer. Garrett and I made a list of things we would like to learn about, places we want to visit, and things we want to do. It’s going to be a very long but quick summer. Don’t worry I have my camera ready.  Smile

I’m also working on my photography skills (will post some photos soon). I’m trying to organize Garrett’s memory box and start an album for him. (will do a post on that too).

I’m also trying to scrap more. I’ve been applying for CT (creative team) calls. I’ve applied for three so far and third times the charm. I was accepted for a  one month guest spot. Yay! Better than nothing! I’m very excited to enter the digi scrapping community. Now I just have to figure out posting to galleries and forums.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Kids art work display and storage

What do you do with all the artwork your child brings home from school?

I browsed pintrest and really like the clipboard idea. I bought a bunch of clipboards. That’s as far as I got. I was lazy and didn’t want to decorate and then hang each clip board. I remembered I had a curtain rod for our kitchen window. I was going to make a curtain for the window but never did. (Are you noticing a trend?) I thought this would be perfect to display my sons art work. It was easy; all I had to do was screw the curtain rod to the wall. I bought these clips from amazon.com. Then I hung up his art work.  His art work hangs on the wall in out kitchen under our giant clock.

gp-art-work

When the curtain rod gets full, I take down the older pieces to make room for the new ones. I take a photo of every piece. I haven’t thrown any of his art work away yet. It’s just sitting in a box waiting for me to decide what to do with it. I did pick out my favorite pieces to add to his 4k binder (more on that in a future post). It’s kind of crazy I know but it’s hard to throw it away. If I do keep all the art work. I will get a bigger memory box for him and bag everything together as neatly as possible and label it 4K 2012-2013.

Here are some of my favorite pieces.

Student of the weekgp-art3gp-art4gp-art2gp-art5

How do you store your child’s art work? How do you decide what to keep and what to toss?

Ditching the 200s

Its been 8 weeks since the birth the birth of my daughter; six weeks since I last posted about losing weight. In that time I gained two pounds and then lost six. It was only in the last two weeks that I lost any weight.

I started walking with a friend but we weren’t very consistent in the beginning. It was cold and rainy and we weren’t very excited to walk in the cold. Now that the weather is acting like spring we are doing great. We walk four times a week for about 45 min. We are pushing strollers and go up at least two hills. It feels great! Go us!

A couple of things have changed. I’ve decided to weigh myself on Wednesdays. Juliett was born on a Wednesday so to keep it on a weekly basis Wednesday is the day. I weigh myself everyday in the morning and before bed. The morning weigh in is the one that counts (I’m lighter in the morning).

I said I would post weekly about my progress. You can see that didn’t happen. I will keep you updated as I go but not on a weekly basis. I can hardly get one blog post written a week and I’m sure you don’t want to se my flabby tummy every week.  Juliett is starting to sleep through most of the night. That helps so much.

Now that I’m in the habit of walking, I’m going to try to eat more chicken and turkey and cut down on the salt. I’ve also been drinking more water and brushing me teeth after every meal. The fresh, clean feel keeps me from snacking and “dirtying” my mouth.  

My goal is to be under 200lbs by August. I have my ten year high school reunion and a family reunion in August. I want to look and feel good.

230lbs

I started at 234 gained two. Week 6 I weighed 236. And here I am at 8 weeks post baby and 230lbs.

What are your fitness goals for the summer?

What is iNSD?

i heart scrapbooking

International Scrapbook Day.

National Scrapbook Day was started in 1994 by Creative Memories. It is the first Saturday in May. Sometime in the 2000’s, I would guess mid 2000’s, “inter” was added to “national”. With the internet, people from all over the world can celebrate scrapbooking together.

International Scrapbook Day is a day for all scrapbookers, paper and digital, to celebrate one of the greatest hobbies.

There is soo much going on in the digital world. (I’m sure there is a lot happening in the paper world too.) There are blog hops, challenges,  I’m not going to try and list all the going ons but if you check out The Daily Digi there is an awesome post about all the sales and activities for this weekend. The excitement has already started so hurry and check it out.

This is the fun I had for iNSD13:

Scrap Flower fb/blog hop

Mscraps fb/blog hop

Scrap Orchard farmers market $1 sale

the Digi Scrap Parade blog hop

Pixels & Co blog hop & CT blog hop

Now I need to unzip all my goodies. It will be interesting to organize and combine all the pieces from the hops into a main folder for each kit. I have a lot of files to sort. Smile

I liked Pixels & Co blog hop the best. You had to find the letters to the discount code. Then you go to the store and use the code for the free kit. It was fun to guess what the code was as I went from blog to blog.

What did you do for iNSD13?

Puddles and Worms

 

worms-em

I can’t believe that it’s been almost 4 weeks since I last posted. Time goes fast when you are enjoying life.  With three young kids its hard to do anything else but live in the moment.

Now that Spring has finally sprung my husband is working sun up to sun down. He worked 98 hours last week. It’s pretty much just the kids and I. It IS just the kids and I. I have a new respect for single parents. It is hard to do it all. We’ve eaten a lot of frozen pizza and there is a stack of dirty dishes on the counter. I’m unable to leave them unattended for more than a couple minutes. When there is that rare moment when the boys are occupied and I could quick unload and reload the dishwasher, Juliett think’s she needs my attention. So we eat precooked food (I know its not the best) and my counters are dirty.

BUT

As stressful as it is I am making more of an effort to enjoy this time with my babies. I try really hard to let it go that the dishes are dirty, the laundry doesn’t get folded, the paper pile is growing, and the living room floor is scattered with toys. That is not what I want to spend my time on.

I want to spend my time soaking up my kids. I want to just be with them. My oldest is already five and he’ll be in school full time come the fall. He already pours his own milk and makes his own pb&j sandwiches. He’s losing his babiness and fast. Emmett will be two in June and before I know it he will be in school. Juliett is only a month and a half and already she seems so big.

I photograph almost everything. I write or journal. I have a planner from Walmart. It’s monthly and weekly. I write quick notes about what happened each day. Each of the kids has their own journal where I write specifically about them. These entries are a lot like the weekly posts of Juliett. I write as if I am talking to them.

I would love to have more time to scrapbook and to be a consistent blogger. I also have a new dream of becoming a photographer. I could choose to stay inside, turn the TV on for the boys, and try to clean or tackle that paper pile. Or I can be in the moment with my toddler and witness the awe and excitement as he discovers worms and puddles for the 1st time.

puddles-em

There will come a time when I’m not up snuggling and rocking my baby all night. There will come a time when I can make a full meal from scratch with out somebody yelling for me. There will come a time when toys will be picked up and dishes will be done. There will come a time when I will look back on today and miss the stress of being a mom. When that time comes I will be able to look back and remember. I will have photos and words to relive and re-enjoy these wonderful, stressful days.

What do you do to try an hold on to the today?

Juliett at two weeks

jep-2weeks

It’s hard to believe it’s been two weeks already. I seems like you have been with us forever.

You were 8 pounds 1 ounce at your two week checkup. You met Dr. Baker for the first time.

You are starting to sleep more at night. You still don’t like to sleep flat on your back at night. You will sleep in your baby seat for about 2- 3 ½ hours between feedings at night.

You are still very cuddly and like to snuggle on Daddy’s and my shoulder.

You are starting to wake for longer periods at a time. When you sleep good at night you are awake for a couple hours in the morning.

You are starting to develop a feeding pattern of eating every two hours. Sometimes you want to sleep longer so I have to wake you.

You got your newborn photos taken.

Almost every time I change you, you try to make a mess on yourself. I am catching on and becoming quicker & more careful at changing you.

You stick your tongue out a lot.

Ditching the 200s

I just gave birth to my third baby. With that baby I also gained 37lbs, weighing in at my heaviest weight of 254lbs. I was 180lbs at the beginning of my first pregnancy in 2007.

I’m tired of having a chunky smile in photos, fat thighs, rolls on my elbows and my back. I’m tired of not having any clothes that fit decent.

This is my first post in series that I’m calling Ditching the 200s. Each week I will post about my journey of losing weight. My goal right now is to weigh less than 200lbs. I will weigh myself on Monday mornings and take a photo to record my progress.

I feel that our family eats fairly healthy. Most of our meals do not come from a box and we don’t eat very much junk food. It’s not because it’s bad for you though. It’s because its expensive and our budget is very tight. Being broke is one of the easiest (and hardest) ways to get out of the junk food habit. It’s hard to mindlessly eat a bag a chips while watching TV if you can’t buy them. 

My issue is being active. I’m lazy and I like to curl up on the couch with my blanket and computer or a book. With this last pregnancy we had A LOT of “lazy” days. I was not myself at all through the whole pregnancy. I was sick till about 18 weeks. I felt pretty good for two to three weeks. Then I started to get big. My sciatic nerve starts to flare up. My lower back gets sore. Emmett, my middle child, loves to read books. Garrett, my oldest, likes to watch TV. We read a lot of books and watched a lot of cartoons this past winter. We played very little in the snow. I was in so much pain and so tired. Garrett at least had school so he did get some outside time. Emmett is one and didn’t know what he was missing. I used the excuse that it’s only temporary. Once baby comes it will be spring and warm and I’ll want to be outside.

Well, baby is here and while I am still recovering from my c-section on March 20th, I feel so much more like myself again. We have been outside everyday since I’ve been home from the hospital. Just playing in the drive way but I can’t do too much yet. Each day gets better and last night we went for our first walk.

With the ending of the “making babies” stage so is the end of 200+lbs. My ten year high school reunion is this August. (Can’t believe its been ten years already.) I will be going to that reunion weighing under 200lbs.

Once the swelling went down from the IV fluids I was given at the hospital I weighed 234lbs. I’m going to use that as my starting point on my weight loss journey. Here is my first photo.

234lbs

One Week Juliett

 

jponeweek

You weighed 7.3 pounds when we left the hospital. The lowest your weight got was 7.1 pounds. You were 7.9 pounds at your 1st check up.

You seem very tiny. None of your clothes fit yet. Not even the new born outfits.

You have no sleep or feeding schedule yet. You sleep about 22 hours a day.

You like to suck a lot, Mostly on me but after some resistance you will take a pacifier.

You like to be curled up and cuddled. You sleep on Daddy’s or my chest. You also like to sleep in your baby seat. You don’t like to lay flat in your crib.

You and I are sleeping on the couch in the living room. Mommy is too sore to lay down in bed.

You have to cutest little squawks and grunts.

You have peed during changing several times for Daddy and for Mommy.

Your big brothers love holding you and don’t want to share.